


i'll never leave you

by fluffy_Socks19



Series: voltron after the ending [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Future Fic, Langst, M/M, klance centric, mentioned death, past allurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-04 20:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17311187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_Socks19/pseuds/fluffy_Socks19
Summary: Keith didn't know Pidge wasn't calling anymore. That was weird, they both used to talk about how much they were starting to get sick of eachother they saw eachother so often. He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder, “are you okay?”“I’m fine,” he insisted, though the tears starting to gather on his lashes and his shaking hand as he brought the cigarette up to his mouth to take another drag said otherwise.OrAn angsty Klance fic about Lance's depression after Allura dies and all his friends move to space and how Keith tries to help him survive.





	1. smoking helps fill the hole inside

Lance had excused himself from the table a few minutes ago, saying he just needed some fresh air. He was looking a little pale. He wasn’t back yet. Keith told the McClains that he was going to take Kosmo out for a few minutes. It was a good lie… until you remembered that Kosmo could teleport to wherever he liked and didn’t need to be let out. Keith just hoped that none of the McClains would think too hard about it, especially Sylvia and Nadia- Lance’s niece and nephew had already caught three of Keith’s lies.

Keith whistled for Kosmo and took him outside. As soon as he opened the door to the dark night, Kosmo ran out and teleported to Kaltenecker, chasing the poor cow around like a pup. Keith laughed, stopping when he smelt a foul odour. He wrinkled his nose at it. It wasn’t coming from the animals- even Keith knew that with his limited knowledge- no animal could make that smell. He looked around and only now noticed grey smoke coming from around the side of the house, curling high into the air and ruining the clear view of the stars. 

Keith furrowed his brows and followed the smoke to the source. He peeked around the corner and saw Lance’s back. He realised that the smoke was coming from him. 

“Lance, are you smoking?” Lance spun around, hiding whatever was in his hand behind his back.

“What?! No!” He protested before a coughing fit took over him. The hand hiding behind his back came up to his face to cover his mouth, exposing the cigarette that was burning between two of his slender fingers.

Keith grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from Lance before he could hide it again, “what’s this?”

Lance snatched his hand away, “none of your beeswax!” He snapped.

“Lance! Smoking’s bad for you!”

“You don’t think I know that?” Lance snapped back. Lance crossed his arms and flicked the cigarette, the ashes falling to the ground. Keith scrunched up his nose again. As he watched Lance, Keith realised that seemed far too comfortable with secretly smoking around the side of his house for this to be his first time.

“Lance, how long have you been- how long has… _this_ ,” he gestured to Lance with his open hands,” been going on for?”

Lance shrugged, taking a long drag of the cigarette.” A little over a year and a half,” as he talked, smoke billowed out of his mouth and Keith had to wave it out of his face. It worried Keith that he was so calm about it. Back in space when they were still paladins, Lance had turned his nose up at anything that would ruin his body, even going so far as to yell at an alien for smoking something close to where Lance could breathe it.

“Does Hunk know?”

Lance scoffed and sarcastically drawled, “cause Hunk cares about anything other than his work or _Pidge_.” His shoulders were hunched as he took another breath of cigarette smoke.

“Lance, you know that’s not true!” Lance turned away and Keith moved so he was still in front of him. “What about Pidge? Didn’t you guys catch up every weekend or something?”

Lance looked away and angrily said, “we used to. Then she moved back into space and decided that she’d never call.” 

Keith didn't know Pidge wasn't calling anymore. That was weird, they both used to talk about how much they were starting to get sick of each other they saw each other so often. He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, though the tears starting to gather on his lashes and his shaking hand as he brought the cigarette up to his mouth to take another drag said otherwise. 

“Give me that-“ Keith reached out and grabbed the cigarette just before Lance could take another breath and flicking it away.

“Hey!”

“You don’t need it!”

“You don’t know that!” 

“Lance. I know you.” Keith put both his hands on Lance’s shoulders. “Something’s bothering you. Tell me.” He demanded.

Lance’s face scrunched up as tears filled his eyes, “I’m _depressed_ , Keith! Allura’s dead! She gave me these _stupid Altean marks_ that remind me of her every time I look in the damn mirror! It feels like someone has ripped a hole inside of me and as soon as it starts to heal people manage to rip it back open, like both of my best friends leaving and never talking to me! Do you know how I fill that hole? With drinking and bars and _these stupid things_ ,” he pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and crushed them in his hand, throwing them at the ground. The tears were flowing down his cheeks now, dripping down his chin. He looked up at Keith, completely open and vulnerable to him, “ _why does everyone get a happy ending except me, Keith?_ ” He said it so quietly, Keith had to strain to hear him.

Keith felt his heart break as he watched the boy who had always seemed so happy and positive break down into a sobbing mess. He took a good look at Lance, a real look at Lance. 

Lance was skinny. Lance had always been thin, but now he just looked sickly, with hollow cheeks and bony elbows. His skin had lost it’s healthy colour, instead now pale and dry, the skin stretched thin over Lance’s weak skeleton. Instead of standing tall and confident like the Lance Keith knew, he was hunched over, almost curling in on himself as if he didn’t want to be seen. The opposite of the Lance who’s biggest dream was to have everyone’s attention on him. His eyes, the ones that were once bright and full of life, were dim and sad. Lance just looked plain wrong and Keith kicked himself for not seeing it sooner.

Lance’s weak body shuddered as he sobbed into his hands. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s thin shoulders and the Cuban fell into Keith’s chest, gripping his shirt as he cried uncontrollably. Keith slowly lowered them until they were both on their knees. He gathered Lance up into his lap and held him until Lance’s loud, shaking sobs turned into quiet shudders and sniffles, rubbing small circles into his back and murmuring quiet words until Lance quieted down. The former black paladin’s shirt had a large wet spot that Lance had made with his tears and snot, but Keith ignored it, holding Lance tighter.

Lance looked up at Keith, eyes red and tear tracks still wet and fresh down his cheeks. “Thank you Keith.”

Keith smiled weakly down at Lance, “hey, it’s okay. You’d do the same for me.” 

A small watery smirk that showed hint’s of the old Lance appeared on his face, “I dunno if _I_ would do the same for _you…_ ” He chuckled weakly. Keith rolled his eyes and grinned. The grin faded into a small smile.

“And, hey, just so you know, I’d never leave you.” 

Lance’s eyes widened before a huge smile broke out on his face and tears filled his eyes again. He threw his arms around Keith’s neck and buried his face in the spot where his neck and shoulders met.

“ _Thank you Keith_ ,” and this time, he really sounded like he meant it.


	2. hold me tighter to keep me together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course Keith would notice how Lance left for some ‘fresh air’ and didn’t come back. Of course Keith would follow him out and catch him smoking. Of course Lance would spill all his secrets to Keith. Of course Keith would hold him as he cried. Of course Lance would feel his weakened and broken heart flutter as Keith told him he’d never leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Lance. 
> 
> **Warning!  
>  Mentions of self harm, smoking, drinking and one night stands.  
> Talk of depression.  
> If you do not like these things, I suggest not reading this!**
> 
> I tried to give him a happy ending with Keith but I don't know if it really worked.

Lance wasn’t himself. He didn’t _feel_ right. He hadn’t felt right since coming back to Earth as a paladin. When he came back, he had expected a celebration for Voltron, which _had_ happened, but then he thought that everything would go back to normal. But… nothing was normal after fighting in a space war for three years. 

He thought that dating Allura would make him feel better, make him feel whole, and it did. At least for a little while. 

Then she left. 

Lance still wouldn’t admit that she was gone forever. She would come back soon. But as the years went by and the world got darker and less and less normal, Lance knew that he was lying to himself.

 

Depression hurt.

His jaw ached. His scars itched, stretched thin across his dry skin. He felt sick to his stomach. He lost his appetite. He started to doubt others loyalty and love for him. He started thinking about cutting into his skin with the razor as he shaved. He wondered if _anyone_ would miss him if he left.

He started to blame himself for Allura’s death, even if he still didn’t let himself believe she was gone. He found himself tired all the time, but never being able to sleep. He was already not eating dinner, instead moving the pieces of food around on his plate, but then he started to not even go down to the table to sit with his family. He started to completely isolate himself from his family. He started to isolate himself from everyone, only going out once a week to meet Pidge for lunch.

His family started to notice. Lance panicked and started to act as normal as possible, going down for dinner, smiling and laughing with them. But it was all an act. He pretended he was normal around Pidge, and, as much as he didn’t want her to, it hurt that she didn’t notice something was wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Depression hurt.

—————

Pidge was gone. Back in space with Hunk.

Lance felt worse. All his friends had left him stranded and alone on Earth while they went out into space and explored the galaxy.

His heart started to ache even more for Allura.

One night, after a dinner where he ate nothing and pretended to be happy, Rachel came up to him and asked if he wanted to go to the bar with her. He nodded, saying he’d been waiting years to finally be allowed in a bar… legally. Rachel laughed and swatted him on the arm, telling him to get changed. 

After that night, Lance went to the bar at least three times a week. He drank until he was numb and let men use him. The shame of waking up in a stranger's bed was better than the pain of waking up in his own bed, alone.

On one of these nights, after being brought back to the strangers apartment, the man offered him a cigarette. As soon as Lance took a breath, he was hooked. He smoked secretly. No one knew about his nights out with these men, or about the late night smoking outside behind the shed where no one could catch him. He wore long pants and sleeves always now. They helped hide the scars that he had given himself with the razors he hid under his mattress.

 

Then Keith came back to Earth for a visit. Veronica invited him and Axca over for dinner.

Of course Keith would notice how Lance left for some ‘fresh air’ and didn’t come back. Of course Keith would follow him out and catch him smoking. Of course Lance would spill all his secrets to Keith. Of course Keith would hold him as he cried. Of course Lance would feel his weakened and broken heart flutter as Keith told him he’d never leave. 

 

Now they were sitting on Lance’s bed, Keith’s shirt still drying from being soaked with Lance’s tears. They had gone back inside and told Lance’s family that they wanted to catch up privately in Lance’s room, Lance didn’t miss the sly smirk that Veronica sent Rachel. Kosmo was curled up around Keith’s stretched out legs, his long blue fur tickling Lance’s toes as he brought his legs up to his chest. Lance looked over at Keith, who was pulling Kosmo’s head into his lap. It seemed that as Lance had lost weight, Keith’s muscles had filled out more. He wasn’t nearly as buff as Hunk but he still looked like he could snap Lance in half like a twig. 

Keith looked up at Lance, catching him staring and Lance looked away.

“So…” Keith started. 

“What do you want to know?” Lance asked, his willingness even startling himself.

Keith’s eyebrows raised, “start from the beginning.”

So Lance did. He told him everything, starting from when they came back to earth. He told him about how he felt about Allura and told him how much he hurt when she left. He told him about the meetings with Pidge and the rare video chats that he never got with her anymore. He told him about the bars and the drinking. He told him about the men he let use him body. He told him about the smoking and about the cutting and even showed him the scars he’d given himself on his arms and pulled the razor out from under his bed to give to Keith. He talked and talked and talked until his throat hurt and his eyes were sore from crying. Keith listened silently the whole time, getting his fingers tangled in Kosmo’s fur. When Lance finished, Keith sat back for a moment, letting it all process.

Keith turned his head to Lance, “are you okay?”

It was a stupid question. Of course he _wasn’t_ okay. He’d been depressed for years. But… the worry and care was eminent in Keith’s voice.

There were no more tears for Lance’s eyes to spill. Instead of the usual ‘I’m fine’ response he would give his family, he replied truthfully.

“No.” His voice was quiet as he stared at a shirt that had been left on the ground.

He gasped as arms wrapped around his shoulders, his heart beating fast. 

His heart was weak now. The combination of stress, depression and lack of food had left it broken. Instead of strong, rhythmic beating, his heart spluttered weakly, surrounded by brittle bones and ruined lungs. 

Keith rubbed circles into Lance’s back, and, even though Lance had no tears left to cry, he still trembled. 

—————

Around an hour later, Lance’s mother knocked on his door, opening it and saying that Acxa was leaving. Keith got up to leave, but Lance grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone.”

Keith stayed the night.

When Lance woke up the next morning, he was surprised to be in his own bed. When his foot knocked someone’s leg, he panicked for a moment. Had he brought one of those men to his own bed? Then the memories of last night hit him accompanied by a wave of relief. 

—————

Acxa left Earth. Keith stayed. Keith helped Lance with his problems. They talked them through together, they told Lance’s family, they talked them through with a professional therapist. Lance was prescribed medicine to help him. Keith helped him quit smoking. Lance stopped going to bars. 

Lance didn’t feel better overnight, but he slowly started to become like the old Lance. 

Lance was admitted to a special ward for adults with eating disorders. Keith visited him everyday for as long as he could. Lance gained weight. He was allowed to leave hospital. Lance told Hunk and Pidge. 

Everything was starting to look up for Lance.

He was finally happy.

—————

“You okay?” Lance was pulled out of his thinking by Keith.

“Yeah,” he breathed, “just thinking.”

Keith walked over to the back of the couch, bending over and sliding his arms around Lance. He rested his chin on Lance’s shoulder. “About what?”

Lance’s hands came up to touch Keith’s where they rested just below his collarbones. He rested his head against Keith’s, “that time when we were on Earth.”

Keith chuckled, “we’ve been on Earth a lot of times, babe.” He pressed a kiss to Lance’s cheek.

Lance hummed, “when you and Acxa visited before I joined the blade.”

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed, “why are you thinking about that? You were so… sad…”

Lance smiled sadly, “but that’s when we started dating.”

“No, we started dating after you pined after me for half a year,” Keith teased.

Lance rolled his eyes, “you said you’d been wanting to date me for two years when we first went out.” Lance didn’t miss the slight blush on Keith’s cheeks. 

The door slid open and Ezor walked in, a tablet in her hand, with Zethrid and Acxa following her. Zethrid was drinking some kind of purple liquid and Axca had her hands on her hips. They were all wearing the Blade of Marmora uniforms, as were Lance and Keith.

Keith stood up straight, “how are the supplies running?”

“There’s just enough for another town, then we’ll have to go and collect some more,” Ezor said without looking up from the tablet.

“Great! Let’s get going then!” Lance jumped up, ready to go.

Keith nodded, “Lance and I will go. You guys can stay here and relax, you’ve been working hard.”

Acxa nodded, “sure. That means I can call Veronica.”

Zethrid grinned, “you really like to _talk_ with her.”

There was a hint of a blush on her cheeks as Acxa flipped her hair, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Keith rolled his eyes and grabbed Lance’s hand, pulling him out to where they kept the smaller ships. He climbed into the driver's seat of one of them and Lance hopped up into the other side. He clipped himself in and sat back against the seat looking out the front window.

“You ready?” Keith asked.

Lance grinned at him before pecking his cheek, “always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This was written at 1am when a sudden burst of creativity hit me while listening to sad music. Another chapter with be up in probably a week or so.


End file.
